What can we do to heal our triggers when in contact with others?
Let’s take you to a place where children are playing.. It’s a nice place. And you sit there on a bench and look at the children. You hear them laughing, occasionally screaming and fooling around. And they have fun. You see them running now and then, then sitting somewhere.
And at some point you see a child falling and you hear the child crying. You look around and you feel that you want to go to the child. You walk towards the child and you take it in your arms. You are fully present for the child. You comfort it and you put your hand where the child is in pain. And while you are so aware and present, the child first cries in your arms and then gradually it becomes less.
Suddenly you feel the energy of the child changing. You let the child go, it stands on its own two feet again and it continues to play as if nothing is wrong.
You sit down on your bench again and you continue to watch the children play. Suddenly you see that a child falls from a tree. You hadn’t noticed that she had climbed a tree.
First you see if you can pick up the child or if she has broken something. She cries and you hold her in your arms. And you ask for help, help from someone who can specifically help this child with that which is bruised or broken. In the meantime you take care of the child, even while she’s recovering and gradually stands on her own two feet again. Naturally, out of love and compassion.
In yourself lives an inner child, a beautiful inner child, full of love and full of light. Full of joy. It is connected to the child you once were. The child who came into this life full of love and light and who decided that it could handle this life anyway. When life was tough, he or she knew how to choose a strategy that would help to survive. Even when it was really hard.
And this strategy can be anything. It’s what suits you.
Later on, when you are mature, it is possible that you can be out of balance out of nowhere when in contact with others. Something touches you very deeply. Moments like that are linked to the child in you.
The inner child in you has a deep desire to heal on the theme in your life. A theme that often touches you deeply. Whenever this happens, you now are the adult who knows how to comfort this child by being present.
So when you are triggered by someone and you feel this, first be aware of it and take your time. Find out what happens. How do you behave? What do you feel? How deep do you get hurt? And without having to know what this is all about, you take the time to embrace yourself and your inner child. To be there, to comfort, to lay your hand on the pain. You remain present until you feel the moment pass, because you are present.
Sometimes this lasts for a short time, because it is a small trigger, just like the child who has fallen on the playground. Sometimes you encounter deep triggers, as deep as the example of the child who fell from the tree… and then you can’t do it all alone.
When you feel like you can’t do it alone, that you really feel like a victim,
that you really feel you can do nothing but to blame the other person or to blame yourself, or you feel yourself in a state of survival pretending nothing happened, while deep inside you are dying of pain,
or when you fall into a sorrow that you can’t see,
or when you withdraw in such a way that you don’t tell anyone about how you’re feeling,
or when you act like nothing’s wrong but you can’t go on,
or that you shut yourself off from everything and everyone and also completely lose the connection with yourself…
Those are all patterns that prevent you from being touched so deeply. It is your survival state.
It is your life theme that happens most.
It is so beautiful to be able to heal this, purely by being present in love for yourself. And if you can’t figure it out, it’s even better to share this with the person you experience this with and share from your vulnerability, so that you can connect with each other again.
And when you can both act like adults, so you can stand for your own emotions and your own triggers, be present together in that full pain and tell each other what you feel… then you will heal yourself.
And if you can’t do this with the other person, find someone who will help you with this broken piece in you. It is broken because you had to survive as a child. And it’s so important not to feel guilty, not to be angry, not to make yourself small or to judge yourself.
Be love, pure love. Just like you would with that child on that playground we were just at. And when you go through it, just like the children who are standing on their own two feet again, you are healed so strongly that you really feel that you have become stronger because of it, that your wings have spread and that you feel:
I am stronger and I can fly higher, I can live more who I really am, I am free, I give myself the safety that I need, I am free to be who I am and I feel who I really am in all magnificence. I feel the love for myself and I dare to speak my own truth. I see who I really am. I am connected with myself and with everyone around me.
It is good to know that there is a theme in your life that you live through as a lemniscate. It is the first theme you experience as a child, which puts you out of balance and creates survival mechanisms, which you learn to heal (first part of the lemniscate).
When you have healed this yourself, you are the shining example for others and the teacher to teach them how to do this. You are that safe haven, you are that freedom then. You are that beautiful grounded person for the other, you are that love, you are that truth, you are the wisdom. And that connection which they recognize in you, the connection they could also find in themselves (second part of the lemniscate).
So it would be wonderful if you can look forward to the next time you are triggered and know: this is my moment to nurture myself, to develop that self-love, but also the moment to grow and to become stronger, for what I wish to learn from my soul, here on Earth.